I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
