it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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