I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
