Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
