I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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