I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
