So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
