mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
