Cold hands, warm shart.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
