I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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