Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Rumble strips road head = magical
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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