I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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