I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
