I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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