She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
