we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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