tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
