Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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