Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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