i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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