She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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