Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just had sex on a roof
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
