He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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