if you like me you must not know who I am
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
