I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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