I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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