this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
