I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
