Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
