its not stalking. its research.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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