Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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