She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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