we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize