I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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