Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
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