The maid of honor just puked.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dear god my vagina.
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