Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
