Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
tequila makes me forget i have legs
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
