she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
