just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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