so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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