Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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