I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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