I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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