Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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