You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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