An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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