Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
