So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
