She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
