My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
