i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
