You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
They are going to name an STD after you.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
