He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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