oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
