Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
