I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
