omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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