haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
